Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

You’re not alone.

Many of us—especially as Christian women—long to be kind, helpful, and loved, yet find ourselves trapped in the exhausting cycle of people-pleasing.

Hello, I’m Amanda—a recovering people-pleaser!

I remember the countless times I said yes to volunteering for yet another church event or ministry agenda, even though I was utterly drained. My family needed me at home, but deep down, I feared letting people down. I bounced from one commitment to another in my zeal to serve, but let’s be honest—not all these endeavours were fruitful. Some were just about propping up egos and the kingdoms of those in charge. Meanwhile, my wellbeing and family life suffered.

Eventually, I realised I was prioritising the approval of others above God’s peace and purpose for my life. I was so desperate to serve and be used by God that I missed His season for me. What I thought was faithfulness was actually fear—fear of others thinking I was unreliable, unspiritual, or unkind. 

Fear of being not seen.

After much soul-searching, a marriage crisis, and a near breakdown, I finally surrendered and reset my life at the altar of God’s loving grace. I discovered the beauty of His approval, which isn’t based on how much I do but on who I am as His beloved child. Slowly, I rediscovered the fullness of joy and life—free from the suffocating burden of performance and the relentless need for approval. I began to understand that my worth wasn’t tied to what I accomplished but rested securely in God’s unchanging love. This realisation brought not only healing but also a profound sense of peace and purpose, as I continue to learn to live out my faith with authenticity and joy.

But it’s not always smooth sailing.

Over the years, I’ve seen how easy it is to fall back into this trap and watched others wrestle with the same cycle of overcommitment, burnout, and guilt. The longing to please people often masks deeper wounds—needs for validation, fear of rejection, or a misplaced sense of identity. We convince ourselves that saying “yes” makes us worthy, but in truth, it leaves us depleted, distant from God, and disconnected from His plans.

The Quiet Ache for Approval
It’s a quiet ache, isn’t it? Maybe you’ve stayed up late baking cookies for a school event, even though you desperately needed rest. Or you’ve agreed to a project at work, only to feel overwhelmed. The whisper of “What if I’m not enough?” tugs at your heart. But here’s the truth: In God’s eyes, you are already enough.

This is why I feel it’s so important to address people-pleasing from a Biblical perspective. God’s Word offers practical guidance, spiritual wisdom, and the freedom to say “no” when it honours His will. Together, we can step out of the cycle of people-pleasing and into the abundant life Jesus promised.

The desire to be admired, validated, or to belong feels like a constant tug-of-war between pleasing others and living authentically. Yet there is hope. God’s grace frees us to embrace His approval above all else.

Let’s explore some common questions about people-pleasing and uncover the healing truth of His Word.

Biblical Help for Approval-Seeking

1. What Does the Bible Say About People-Pleasing?
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." – Galatians 1:10
The Bible is clear: striving for human approval can pull us away from serving Christ wholeheartedly. When we live for others’ opinions, we risk making them the measure of our worth, instead of God. This leads to a divided heart, making it impossible to give our full devotion to Him. True freedom comes from recognising that God's approval, not human validation, is what ultimately matters.

2. How Can I Stop Being a People Pleaser and Focus on God’s Approval?
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." – Colossians 3:23
Focus on serving God, not appeasing people. When your efforts are directed toward glorifying Him, you’ll find freedom from the exhausting need to meet others’ expectations. Begin by assessing your commitments and asking, “Does this align with God’s priorities for me?” Tip: Start small by saying no to things that pull you away from God’s calling. Over time, this will help you build confidence in setting boundaries.

3. Why Do Christian Women Struggle with People-Pleasing?
"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works." – Ephesians 2:10
As women, we often feel called to nurture and serve. But when our worth is tied to others’ validation, it distorts this calling. We can mistake overcommitting for faithfulness, when in reality, it leaves us depleted and distant from God’s plans. Remember, you are God’s masterpiece—your value isn’t dependent on anyone’s approval but His. Let this truth shape your decisions and priorities.

4. Is People-Pleasing a Form of Idolatry?
"You shall have no other gods before me." – Exodus 20:3
When pleasing others becomes your top priority, their opinions can take God’s rightful place in your heart. This doesn’t mean you should stop serving or caring for others, but rather that your motivation should flow from your love for God. It’s a gentle reminder to realign your loyalty with Him and let His approval guide your actions, rather than the shifting opinions of people.

5. How Can I Say “No” Without Feeling Guilty?
Has the fear of disappointing others ever kept you up at night? Well, Jesus said, "Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’" – Matthew 5:37
Your boundaries honour God and others. Saying no is not rejection—it’s clarity. When you say yes to everything, you risk overloading yourself and neglecting God’s priorities for your life. Ask God for wisdom to discern what aligns with His purpose. A well-placed no can be the most loving response when it ensures you’re living in obedience to Him.

6. Is Being a People Pleaser a Sin?
"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." – Proverbs 29:25
While it’s not inherently sinful to want to help others, living in fear of their disapproval can lead to compromise. It creates a snare that keeps you from walking in freedom and obedience. Trust in God’s protection as you seek to please Him first. His perfect love casts out fear and gives you the courage to prioritise Him above all else.

7. Did Jesus or Biblical Figures Deal with People-Pleasing?
"My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." – John 4:34
Jesus faced pressure from others but remained focused on God’s will. He didn’t allow people’s expectations to derail His mission, even when it meant facing criticism or rejection. Like Him, we’re called to stand firm in our mission, even when it means going against others’ desires. Biblical figures like Daniel, Esther, and Paul also showed courage in prioritising God over people.

8. How Can I Balance Loving Others With Not Pleasing Everyone?
"Love your neighbour as yourself." – Mark 12:31
True love seeks the best for others, not just their approval. It’s not about saying yes to everything but about serving with sincerity and wisdom. Loving others out of a heart rooted in God’s love frees you to live authentically and make decisions that honour Him. This balance allows you to love others well without losing yourself in the process.

9. Why Do I Feel Responsible for Other People’s Happiness?
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." – 1 Peter 5:7
Our longing to make others happy often stems from a misplaced sense of responsibility. This can lead to guilt and frustration when their happiness remains out of reach. Remember, you’re called to love and serve—not to fix or save. Only God can truly satisfy the human heart. Release the weight of responsibility and trust Him to work in others’ lives.

10. What Are the Consequences of People-Pleasing?
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." – Matthew 11:28
People-pleasing leads to burnout, resentment, and disconnection from God’s purpose for your life. It can leave you feeling empty, as your energy is poured into endless obligations. Letting go of this habit invites His rest and renewal. Saying no is not just about protecting your well-being—it also creates space for others to step up, grow, and develop. When you release responsibilities that aren’t yours to carry, you empower others to take ownership, build resilience, and use their own God-given gifts. Aligning your life with His calling brings peace, joy, and a renewed sense of purpose—for you and those around you.

Grace-Filled Freedom

Beloved, you are already enough in God’s eyes. His approval isn’t something you need to earn—it’s yours through Christ. Grace doesn’t demand perfection; it whispers, “Come as you are.” When we fix our eyes on pleasing God, we step into a life of freedom, not fear.

Picture yourself resting in a sunlit meadow, the Good Shepherd standing guard. The striving fades, the burdens lift, and His gentle voice reminds you: “You are mine. You are enough.”

As women, we are tender nurturers with a fierce drive to get things done. But amidst all our doing, we must ask: Are we loyal to the right things? The next time you feel the pull of people-pleasing, pause and reflect:

• Whose approval matters most?

• Whose voice holds your loyalty?

• Are you chasing fleeting human validation or standing in awe of God?

God longs to fill the spaces in your heart that human approval can never reach. Clear away the clutter of other voices and follow the Good Shepherd. Embrace His grace, walk in His truth, and step boldly into the freedom He offers.

Freedom from striving. Freedom from fear. Freedom from unforgiveness.

Find your lane—in His grace—and feel the joy of simply being His.