Blog
Finding Freedom in God’s Design
Submission and authority in Christian circles can be a sticky and sensitive topic. Many women who have a heart to serve God and love others find themselves wrestling with leadership that doesn’t always align with God’s heart.
Are we supposed to follow blindly? Submit without question? Ignore the quiet prompting of the Holy Spirit or the reasoning of our God-given minds?
The reality is that while God designed authority for care and protection, human nature often distorts it. When submission is taught as unquestioning obedience, it can lead to spiritual, emotional, and even physical harm.
So how do we honour God while ensuring we are not complicit in abusive systems?
God’s Perfect Plan for Authority
Authority in God’s kingdom is meant to nurture, support, love, and guide, not control, manipulate, or harm. First and foremost, God is our ultimate covering, Shepherd, and authority.
Jesus, in His earthly life, submitted to the Father’s will (John 6:38). Yet, He openly challenged religious leaders who misused their authority (Matthew 23). His interactions with Peter also highlight the true heart of leadership:
"If you love me, care for my sheep." (John 21:15-17)
Jesus demonstrated that true authority is marked by servant-hearted care, not domination. Paul reinforced this by teaching mutual submission among believers:
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21)
Even Paul, a respected leader, told the Corinthians:
"Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1)
The implication? Leadership must align with Christ’s model. When it doesn’t, we should tread carefully.
Man’s Imperfect Version of Authority
The sad reality is that authority is often misused in churches and Christian organisations. Some examples include:
Leaders who demand unquestioning loyalty rather than pointing people to Christ.
Pastors who manipulate Scripture to silence concerns or discourage accountability.
Systems that protect abusers while punishing victims who speak out.
One example of Scripture being misused is Romans 13, often cited to demand unquestioning submission to government. Yet history shows it was wrongly used to justify oppressive regimes, including compliance with Hitler’s rule. Similarly, some church leaders misuse this passage to silence healthy questioning and perpetuate spiritual abuse.
When authority becomes about control rather than care, it departs from God’s heart.
How to Obey While Staying Safe and in God’s Plan
So how do we navigate submission wisely? Here are some key biblical principles:
Our first loyalty is to God, not people.
"We must obey God rather than men." (Acts 5:29)
Seek wisdom from godly counsel.
Proverbs repeatedly emphasises that there is safety in wise, good, multiple counsel (Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 15:22).
Context matters.
Consider "Obey your leaders and submit to them" - Hebrews 13:17 Who was this written for.*
Please note, the author is referring to trustworthy, godly leaders, not abusers.
Discern leadership through fruit.
Romans 16:17 warns against leaders who cause division and deceive others for selfish gain.
Romans 12:14-18, 20 teaches us to live peaceably, yet with discernment.
Submit blindly to unscriptural or unhealthy advice.
Stay under the control of narcissistic, abusive leaders.
Compromise the voice of God for your life by prioritising man’s opinion.
Faithfully follow what God is saying. (Examples: Noah, Mary, Paul)
Assess if your leaders reflect biblical eldership (Titus 1:6-9). If not, reposition yourself and set healthy boundaries.
Weigh advice against Scripture, the Holy Spirit's leading, and wise counsel.
What to Do If You Encounter the Misuse of Authority
If you have experienced spiritual abuse or control, know that God’s heart is for your healing. Here are some steps to take:
Recognise the harm - Acknowledge what you have endured without minimising it.
Seek safe community - Find a healthy christian community where biblical leadership is modelled.
Set firm boundaries - You are not required to stay in an unsafe or unhealthy environment.
Pursue healing - Whether through prayer, counselling, or trusted mentors, allow God to restore what was broken.
*Extra Study Note: The Community of Believers in Hebrews 13
Hebrews 13 was written to a community of Jewish Christians, likely living in Rome or another major city within the Roman Empire. These believers had faced persecution and social pressure, with some being imprisoned and others having their property confiscated (Hebrews 10:32-34).
They gathered in house churches, meeting in homes rather than dedicated church buildings. These gatherings fostered close relationships, shared meals, and mutual encouragement. They were urged to continue meeting together despite fears of persecution (Hebrews 10:25). Leadership in these communities was based on servant-hearted care, with elders guiding the flock, not lording authority over them (Hebrews 13:7, 17).
Their lifestyle reflected deep commitment, resilience, and trust in Christ. They supported one another in hardship, sought to live peaceably, and encouraged faithfulness amid trials. Understanding their context helps us better grasp the exhortation in Hebrews 13:17—obedience and submission were expected in the context of godly, trustworthy leadership, not blind allegiance to authority.
Professional Support for Your Healing
God desires you to live a peaceful and meaningful life (John 10:10). If you are struggling with spiritual manipulation or finding clarity on God’s heart for you, seeking professional support can help you:
Process through controlling rhetoric and narcissistic mind games.
Clarify God’s voice and direction for your life.
Redefine boundaries and establish healthy, Christ-honouring connections.
I offer faith-based counselling to support Christian women navigating these challenges. If you need guidance, I invite you to connect with me online for one-on-one support.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. God sees you, loves you, and has a plan for your healing.