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Wisdom, Boundaries, and Healing
Narcissism is a word we hear often—thrown around in discussions about toxic relationships, difficult family members, and even the downfalls of leaders. But what does it really mean? And how should Christian women respond when they encounter narcissistic behaviours in others—or recognise unhealthy tendencies in themselves?
Jesus calls us to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16), equipping us with discernment to navigate relationships in a way that honours both love and truth.
Let’s take a deeper look at narcissism—what it is, how it operates, and how we can guard our hearts while reflecting Christ’s wisdom and strength.
What Is Narcissism, Really?
The term narcissism originates from Greek mythology, describing a man who became so obsessed with his own reflection that he wasted away in self-admiration. In psychological terms, narcissism refers to a pattern of behaviour characterised by:
• entitlement,
• a lack of empathy,
• manipulation,
• and an excessive need for control and admiration.
While everyone may exhibit some self-centred tendencies at times, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a clinically recognised condition that affects a small percentage of people. However, narcissistic traits—such as gaslighting, love bombing, and emotional exploitation—can still appear in relationships, families, churches, and workplaces, causing deep wounds.
What does the Bible say?
Scripture warns about those who are consumed by pride, deception, and self-exaltation:
“For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers… without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good.” (2 Timothy 3:2-3)
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)
Recognising narcissistic behaviours allows us to navigate relationships wisely—extending love while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Key Behaviours to Watch For
1. Love Bombing: The Trap of Overwhelming Affection
Narcissists often start relationships—whether romantic, spiritual, or even professional—with excessive praise, gifts, or attention, creating an intense bond. This is called grooming or love bombing and is designed to make you feel special, chosen, and deeply connected.
[Please Note: Not all love bombing is grooming. Some people engage in love bombing out of insecurity rather than a calculated plan for exploitation. The key distinction is intent—grooming is always purposeful manipulation with the goal of control and exploitation.]
But over time, this excessive adoration shifts into control, criticism, or withdrawal, leaving you confused and emotionally dependent on their approval.
👉 How Jesus Models Healthy Love: Unlike manipulative love, Jesus’ love is steady, sacrificial, and never self-serving (John 15:13). Love that is real does not need to overwhelm or manipulate—it is patient, kind, and does not seek to control (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
2. Gaslighting: When Truth Is Twisted
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where someone distorts reality, making you doubt your own perceptions, memories, or sanity. Phrases like:
“That never happened.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“You always misunderstand me.”
This tactic is designed to confuse, isolate, and control. It’s a direct assault on truth.
👉 Jesus Is the Truth: Jesus declared, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32). The enemy thrives in deception, but God calls us to live in truth. If you feel constantly confused or second-guessing yourself in a relationship, ask the Holy Spirit for clarity.
3. Triangulation: Using Others to Control You
Triangulation happens when a narcissist pits people against each other, using gossip, secrecy, or lies to gain power over relationships. They may:
Praise one person while subtly criticising another.
Withhold information to create tension.
Claim to be the victim while causing division.
This behaviour is meant to keep people in a state of competition, confusion, and dependency.
👉 God Calls Us to Unity, Not Division: Proverbs 6:16-19 lists sowing discord among the things God hates. Healthy relationships are built on honesty, not manipulation. If you see this pattern, step back and refuse to engage in the drama.
How to Guard Your Heart and Build Resilience
Recognising narcissistic behaviour is one thing—knowing how to protect yourself is another. Here are practical, Christ-centred strategies:
1. Set Firm Boundaries
Jesus Himself modelled boundaries. He withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16), refused to be manipulated (John 6:15), and confronted deception (Matthew 23).
📌 Practical Step: Practice saying no without guilt. You are not responsible for managing someone else’s emotions or fixing their dysfunction.
2. Surround Yourself with Truth and Wise Counsel
Proverbs 11:14 reminds us: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety.”
📌 Practical Step: Seek out mentors, friends, or a Christian counsellor who can help you discern the truth and rebuild your confidence.
3. Pray for Strength and Clarity
Ask God for wisdom and discernment when navigating difficult relationships. James 1:5 promises that if we ask for wisdom, He will give it generously.
📌 Practical Step: When feeling manipulated or confused, step away and pray. God is faithful to lead you in truth.
What If You Recognise These Traits in Yourself?
While it’s easy to spot narcissism in others, self-reflection is important, too. At times, we may find ourselves slipping into control, pride, or self-protection due to past wounds. But the beauty of the Gospel is this: we are not bound to old patterns.
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any areas of pride or control in your own heart.
Repent and seek renewal. God’s grace transforms us into people who reflect His love.
Practice humility and empathy. Philippians 2:3 calls us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”
God does not shame us—He invites us into healing. If you recognise unhealthy behaviours in yourself, take heart. Growth is possible, and His grace is enough.
Would You Like Extra Support
As Christian women, we are called to be both compassionate and discerning. We can love others while still guarding our hearts. Jesus was never manipulated by false motives, nor did He allow deception to flourish. He walked in truth and invites us to do the same.
If you’re navigating a relationship with narcissistic traits and need support, reach out for help. You are not alone, and healing is possible.
💛 If this topic resonates with you, consider booking a counselling session to explore your journey with guidance and grace.