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Learning Boundaries from Jesus in the Wilderness
Boundaries are a struggle for many Christian women. We want to love well, serve wholeheartedly, and give generously—but at what point does saying "yes" to everything erode our sense of self, steal our peace, and distance us from God’s best for us?
In the wilderness, Jesus faced three temptations that directly tested His identity, His trust in the Father, and His calling. Each time, He drew a line.
His responses were not just about saying no—they were about anchoring Himself in truth, securing His heart in God, and refusing to trade His deeper purpose for short-term relief. His example gives us a profound model for setting boundaries that go beyond human relationships and speak to the longings of our hearts.
The Three Temptations & Our Deepest Longings
The Temptation of Provision (Matthew 4:3-4)
"If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."
Jesus was hungry. Physically, yes—but also spiritually, emotionally. Satan’s offer was more than a meal; it was an invitation to satisfy His needs outside of God’s timing and provision.
Our Longing: We crave security, whether through relationships, recognition, or financial stability. We fear that if we don’t meet our own needs, they will go unmet.
Drawing the Line: Jesus refused to define Himself by His immediate needs. Instead, He declared, "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4). When we feel desperate, how do we respond? We can remind ourselves that our worth and provision come from God, not from scrambling to meet our own needs or bending our boundaries to please others.
Practical Example: If someone asks too much of you—your time, energy, resources—you can say, "I value our relationship, but I need to protect my well-being. I trust God to provide what’s needed, and I can’t take this on right now."
The Temptation of Recognition (Matthew 4:5-7)
"If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: ‘He will command his angels concerning you…’"
Here, the enemy tempts Jesus to prove His identity through spectacle. “Show them who you are. Make them notice you.”
Our Longing: We long to be seen, understood, and validated. In relationships, work, or ministry, we may feel the pull to overextend ourselves so that others affirm our worth.
Drawing the Line: Jesus refused to use His power to force recognition. He answered, "Do not put the Lord your God to the test" (Matthew 4:7). His security was in the Father’s love, not in people’s reactions.
Practical Example: When someone expects you to prove your worth by overcommitting, you might say, "I don’t need to say yes to everything to be valuable. I am already loved and accepted by God."
Reframing our thinking (CBT) can help—“I don’t have to prove my worth; my worth is already secure in Christ.”
The Temptation of Power (Matthew 4:8-10)
"All this I will give you if you bow down and worship me."
Satan offers Jesus influence without the cross—control without suffering.
Our Longing: We long for control over our circumstances, relationships, and outcomes. We fear surrendering because we think it might lead to loss or suffering.
Drawing the Line: Jesus responded, "Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only" (Matthew 4:10). His heart was set on obedience, not grasping for power.
Practical Example: When someone pressures you into people-pleasing or manipulation, you can say, "I trust God to lead my life. I don’t need to grasp for control. My obedience to Him matters more than approval."
Communicating Boundaries in Everyday Life
To Ourselves:
"I don’t have to prove my worth by saying yes to everything."
"God will provide for me—I don’t need to overextend myself out of fear."
"I am responsible for my obedience, not others’ reactions."
To Others:
"I care about you, but I need to prioritise my spiritual and emotional well-being."
"I trust God to take care of this, so I’m not able to step in right now."
"I appreciate your perspective, but I need to make a decision that aligns with where God is leading me."
Living Lightly in God’s Love
Setting boundaries is not about shutting people out or being selfish—it’s about preserving our hearts for what truly matters. Jesus modelled this beautifully. He knew His calling, trusted His Father’s timing, and refused to let external pressures dictate His decisions.
The next time you feel the pull to overextend yourself, ask: Is this satisfying a deep longing in my heart that only God can fill? Then, with grace and confidence, draw the line—just as Jesus did.
Reflection Questions:
Where do I struggle most with setting boundaries—provision, recognition, or control?
How can I better remind myself that God is my provider and source of worth?
What is one boundary I need to set this week, and how will I communicate it?
Seeking Further Support
If you’re struggling with setting boundaries, navigating your deeper longings, or understanding your identity in God, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Counselling can provide a safe space to explore what’s underneath the struggle—helping you build confidence, trust in God’s provision, and healthier communication strategies.